Heros

In February, I completed one of the most challenging races in the world with Project Athena. We spent a week in Johannesburg, before flying to Windhoek Namibia. In Namibia we ran 220 kilometers over five days in some of the most challenging terrain and conditions imaginable. It was the most amazing experience in my life and I would do it again tomorrow. The feeling of accomplishment is amazing and something I am fiercely proud of.

Trying to sum up the experience is difficult for many reasons. Africa was so beautiful, and I was in awe of my surroundings every day. Although the country and the people there touched me, the true power of my experience was in the spirit of the women I was privileged to do the race with.

I spent the two weeks with women who are courageous in every sense of the world. They have faced their physical and emotional battles, but the courage they show every day and the quiet strength they exhibit is incredible. When you look at their list of achievements it would be awe inspiring for a person who hasn’t faced a physical challenge, let alone those they have conquered. When I think of the word hero, I think of courage and strength and achievement. And I think of the women of Project Athena. This group of women who brought me to levels I have never dreamed possible, and who I was fortunate enough to run through Africa with.

For a month or more before I left for Africa, I struggle with my decision to do this race. I thought about finding a reason not to go, I wanted to find some legitimate reason that would allow me a graceful escape from my fear and anxiety. And yet, I had this conflict that didn’t want anything to stand in my way of going. It was a conflict I lived with daily, driven by my fear that there was no way I could run that many miles, let alone in those conditions. Who does that? No way could I even imagine myself doing it.

Two weeks before I left I managed to grab on to a small sliver of peace and acceptance. Thanks to some reassuring phone calls and emails I realized that I had always been committed to going and whatever the outcome, I was going to go and do what I could. I thought about my training and my preparation and knew I needed to trust in it as well as myself and the women I would be running with.
I am still not quite sure how I came to be in a place in my life of running through Africa. Prior to being told I would not be a runner, I wasn’t. I ran occasionally and certainly without a passion for it. Yet when it became a challenge, it suddenly took on a different meaning for me. I am not physically gifted, so it’s not as though I fell into running and was a natural. I don’t understand how something which is such a challenge for me has become such a passionate part of my life. I think for me, the things which are worth doing are those which are hard. I have faith that there is a reason which I may or may not see at some point. I couldn’t help but reflect as I ran through the desert that it had been 12 months ago I was training for my first marathon! Just over a year earlier I was planning my long runs and wondering how I was going to get through them. It had been just ten months since I had run my first 20 miler!

I questioned my sanity and my wisdom, but I had committed to going and in my heart there was nothing I wanted more than this. Although I thought the others were pretty crazy for believing I could do this, knowing they did believe in me helped. Right up until I crossed the finish line I didn’t necessarily have complete faith that my body would be strong enough. What I did have faith in was that no matter what I would be able enough to put one foot in front of the other until the very end. I knew my physical health would be a part of the race, but I also knew the mental aspect would be the biggest hurdle of all. The voice in my head that says “no way”, “it‘s not possible, you can’t do this”. I have shut that voice down before and I knew my strength was in my ability to do it again. In this life, just once, if you can push that voice down you will never live life the same again.
So what happens when women of this caliber give another woman the belief in their ability? Someday I hope to find the words but for now I have none which come close. The way they have changed me has nothing to do with distance or athletic ability. Prior to my involvement with Project Athena there were things I wanted to do, such as run a marathon. But as much as I wanted those things I didn’t even have the nerve to say them out loud. Because once you say something and set a goal, you are really putting yourself out there. And all by yourself, that is a scary place to be. The gift Project Athena gave me is that I have never been by myself, and their love and friendship makes everything possible. Project Athena helped me find the strength I already had in me and showed me what I am capable of and I was honored to be there with the women who are my heroes.