My Challenge Today: How Can I Be Happy About This?

2:05 am.  This was the time illuminated as I looked at my phone to check the time.  Much too early to get up, yet I had awakened suddenly and fully.  From experience I knew my chances of falling back to sleep were almost non-existent but I tried anyway.  At 2:30 I decided if I were going to lie there wide awake, my monkey mind chattering, then I might as well get up and begin my day.   My brain reminds me that later today, when I have been awake for about twelve hours and still have another 7 or 8 hours to go, I am not going to feel good.  I hear a childish tone through my chatter, resembling an eight year old chanting “ooh you are going to be sorry!”  My natural tendency is to start using all my fingers and toes to count how many hours I have until I can go to bed tonight.  A futile exercise, it does nothing to make me feel any more rested and just reminds me of how tired I am going to be by the time it gets here.

My day is already full and I could have used more sleep, but with a wide awake brain, I decided to ignore the chatter and head downstairs.  Maggie and Ellie are oblivious to what time it actually is, caring about nothing other than I have moved in bed which makes me fair game.  Maggie loves to drape herself across me, bat me in the face and in general behave as though the world has created me just to be her play toy.  As I roll up however they race to the bedroom door and then as they do every morning race me downstairs.  I have learned to let them win to avoid being tripped and trampled in their excitement.  I smile as I open the door and they raced into the yard hell bent for leather.  It struck me that no matter what time it is, and no matter what they greet each day the same.  Despite the scenery never changing, they launch themselves off the deck and race each other to the fence line.  Most mornings one of them will intentionally trip the other, which means a few minutes of wrestling before they run a few circles around the perimeter of the yard.  And with some unspoken signal they will race together simultaneously toward the door, skidding to a stop just shy of hitting it.  With morning potty duties done, it’s time to attack their breakfast ritual with the same doggy prancing and excitement.   Once done with this, they look at me and wait knowing from hundreds of days of ritual that we are about to play which means they are going to work for some treats.  They have yet to figure out this is a training session, staying just as excited about this today as they are every other day.  I look at their happy faces and envy their ability to completely and wholeheartedly live in the moment, just this present moment.  My snarky inner voice also reminds me they get to nap whenever they want today and don’t have to end their day teaching a spin class.  And then I catch myself and remember, neither do I.  You see I will end my day teaching a class, one that requires levels of energy at the highest of levels.  In addition to my lack of sleep, having the flu just a few days ago and an overwhelming To Do list, I need to put myself on stage in spandex no less and create enough energy to give 30 people the best possible workout.  But I don’t have to, I get to.

As I watched them this morning, and caught my snarky inner voice, I thought of a question I have used often with myself and others. “How can I be happy about this?”  Depending on the day, my answer ranges from the complete unprintable to a moment of quiet accompanied by a sigh of acceptance.

So this morning, knowing today is going to be long and there will be tough moments I decided to ground myself from all mental math adding up the hours and instead decide how I could be happy about being out of bed well before 3:00 am.

1.     Ok, so if I start with the obvious, but often little acknowledged, I woke up this morning.  I get another day of this life and although I don’t always remember to start my day consciously thinking about this, it is never guaranteed and I will never get this one again.  It is amazing how this simple truth immediately changes my perspective.

2.    The entire world seems to still be sleeping and as I stand at my dining room window looking out over the field, I am happy I to feel the peace of this moment.  I see the stillness of the world in front of me and feel so grateful to be living here, in my quiet country home and to be in a country where I am free to make my own choices.

3.    I think about the list of priorities and the list of To Do’s I had made last night before going to bed in preparation for today.  I now have extra time to make progress on this list, which had seemed way too big for the day anyway.

4.     I decided to write some cards I had been meaning to for a couple of weeks now, and as I stacked the cards on the counter to go the mailbox I was glad to have gotten to it.  I was also happy to have so many people to write a note to, I am not unaware of how blessed I am in this area.  Eight stamps later I smiled as I thought about how happy I was to have had the time to write out eight cards!

5.     I was able to do all my writing and card writing, bake enough sweet potatoes for the week which makes my dogs happy, get breakfast in the oven, sort my notes from yesterday which was a huge mess, get mail ready to go and banking deposit slips ready, read a few chapters in a book, do a training session with the dogs and pick up the kitchen all before 5:00 am.  I felt happy about the extra space in my day and that I wouldn’t be scrambling to get out of the door on time today. 6.    Although I would have loved to have slept a couple more hours, I reminded myself to be happy that I am able to stop and find what good I can in my lack of sleep.  I work in a field which reminds me regularly that not everyone is in a place emotionally and intellectually to do this.

So as I wrap this up, I think of the moment I am in and remind myself in the big picture, today’s lack of sleep will be a small blip.  I won’t remember it in a couple of weeks or at least won’t feel it. When I look back at my life thirty years from now, losing a couple hours of sleep won’t be a defining factor. What will define me however is how I approach each day and the decision I make about how I will live it.  I think of others in the world who are facing a day today with suffering and pain and loss, or without a home to be in on sleepless nights.  I am grateful and blessed and beyond happy for starting my day at 2:30 am.