The Paradox of Moving On

 "Our relationship with ourselves is the foundation for all relationships, its at the heart of everything and every relationship we have." 

 Our relationship with ourself  involves taking care of our own needs and listening to them, especially when something feels just a bit off.  I struggle with this most often when I can feel something is not quite right, I know my needs aren't being met, but it is the subtle sabotage that I can't quite put words to.  It feels a lot like crazy because I can feel it, but its not quite tangible enough to grab.  

This is when it becomes even more important to identify my needs and listen closely.  One of my warning signs is when I catch myself going in circles trying to prove my case.  It often takes me a bit, ok a long bit, to remember I don't need to.  The sense that someone has done something that doesn't feel right should be enough proof and all I need to begin asking myself questions. 

Questions are a powerful catalyst in our lives, and can illustrate blind spots if we are brave enough to ask them openly and then sit quietly with ourselves to hear the answers. 

Sitting still, being brave enough to ask the questions is usually where I have the most resistance.  When I am brutally honest I know it is because often I already have and know the answer, I just don't like it and want it to be different.  Avoiding the question, ignoring the answer already within doesn't change anything, it simply keeps me stuck in a cycle of trying to change what I know I can't. This cycle always feels frantic to me as though I can never run fast enough to catch it all, and every time I grab it is just out of reach.  

To move forward and to move on from the places I get stuck, the relationships I need to let go of, I have to be willing to ask the questions and then with self compassion, be open to the answers.  I have to have faith that when it's time to let go, I can trust that some things will be gone and I will be ok and some things will come back to me also.  Faith.  Trust. Self care.  This is the place I need to sit.  Because sitting is the only way I move forward and move on.